yo what up franco. generally you would think im just giving the dealio about LOVE but im gonna do a bit more than that cause i want to give you guys my personal feelings because i dont believe im one who usually gives out his personal thoughts enough. i tend to bottle up in my little corner and just be a-ok with it.
however instead of just talking to a friend about it in a private vent session like i usually do im gonna leave it out in the open for all of you just so you know where this fed is at cause where the fed is at usually coincides with where im at so the two are interlocked.
with that said, lemme tell you where LOVE is at because im not gonna let you all wait in the shadows for a show to pop up and be like "hey guys remember me haha see you in another year fuckers" and remain on the active fed list.
LOVE is in a peculiar spot. i love the roster, i love the concept, and i love the theme and aesthetic and i love how its solely my creation, its technically my first real my own fed and passion project.
most aes feds are passion projects. none of us are getting paid nor are we trained to do what we do and we simply do it out of passion to be creative.
so similarly, you should tell by the section dedicated to passion that a main thing here is gonna be passion, or my lack there of to do this show despite loving every single bit about it.
now part of it can be blamed on myself for starting another passion project in FrancoRonpa! you know its passionate when i actually use capitalization, but for those not in the loop i'll do a brief rundown of what that is.
FrancoRonpa! is an RP forum based on the video game franchise Danganronpa where i'm hosting my own rp called FrancoRonpa!: 2Despair2Furious. the link will be in the next line break all on it's own if you want to read it.
there it is. generally this is a bit time consuming cause if you look under the killing game section, there are 16 topics in there, and each of those require me to plan out ahead of time, and then for me to oversee and run in real time. its not like a tabletop session where we all dedicate time to sit down, every player usually just does it in their own free time, and most of my free time (which is alot) is dedicated to making sure that my players get to play in their free time without waiting for me. im the only person thats required for the game to function, which cuts into my time.
why do i do this? because im passionate about it. im having a great time and i think the 1,829 posts and counting by my players, most of those being from clock, give me incentive to keep going even when i get stressed out.
now you may be thinking, this is where he tells us he's either a.) devoting too much time to francoronpa or b.) not as passionate about LOVE.
a is correct.
b is half correct.
b is half correct because in general, i'm just not all too into what AES is doing right now.
i've had a problem with really just getting into anything we're doing here and i'm pretty sure i've told sam about it like 200 times about it, but like, it's just difficult.
im just not really enjoying it or getting into it. i just dont feel like theres content i gotta see. there arent characters for me to watch over, and it all feels kinda disjointed, slow, static, and samey.
i dont know man. honestly i dont know how this is the thing im worked up over when my years on aes had at least an even worse event every year for me.
2013: nervous boy tryna to get in there. 2014-2015: made a cool fed but in a really toxic enviroment. 2016: just do everything i do on the site out of pettiness after said toxicity. 2017: have a hell of a general manager tenure that was constant bullshit. 2018: just not into it.
like look at that. most people would have probably left this place by now and probably said a mean thing about it and i'm over here gone through all that and im like "hmm im not into it."
i dont get it man.
im sorry lads. like last year i made a whole thing about taking over dan's spot after he left and helping the site out and here i am a year later just saying "man fuck i dont care". its how i feel but looking over this post just kinda makes you feel shitty after saying all that and trying your best to pour in as much as you can into a place and then just like in a year you're like "haha im half out the door".
im sorry if i let any of you down with that by the way, or if im letting you down with this post. i dont like typing that out cause i dont feel like im that much of an important part of aes in 2018 where i should be apologizing and should just let the wheel go and go but i dunno.